Conscience - chapter 1

My memory had more holes than a kitchen sponge. The last thing I remembered was a pair of headlights coming towards me and tires screeching as I was soaking wet. Of course I guessed what happened, I'm not that dumb. The strange thing was that there was nothing more. I couldn't remember being hit, or pain, or anything. I was still sanding in the middle of the pedestrian crossing. At first I didn't get it... or just... I don't know. I saw people assembling in front of a car. A man jumped out of it, he was shocked I could see that. I wanted to go and check out what was this all about. That was when I heard a mild voice.

"Don't go there!" said the apparition

Normally I would freak out, but now I was just puzzled.

"Why?"

"There is nothing you have to see." There was somthing in him, I just felt I shoudl listen to him. "Come!" he said and I willingly followed him. After a while we stopped, and I couldn't resist anymore.

"Who are you?" I inquired

"I was your conscience." "Was?" I asked immediatly "Yes,...was. Consciences can't have their own consciences."

Guess he noticed the confused expression on my face, or that I just didn't say a word.

"Look at your hands!" he advised and so I did.

It seemed impossible. They were white...but more like ground glass, you could see some colour from behind them. I just kept turning them back and forth, but nothing clicked until I cought a glimpse of my reflection in the shopwindow. I was just a... shape, that just reminded you of a human. No face, nothing... just the shape.

"I am a ghost?" this sounded so absurd.

The apparition laughed.

"There's no such thing as ghosts. What this world calls ghosts are consciences who don't have owners at that moment." he explained "Look, from now on time is meaningless for you. You can stay forever, but you has to stay for at least twenty years and have to have at least one person under your wings over this period. Choose wisely, as you will have to stick with him or her for at least five years." "So time isn't that meaningless." I interrupted, but again he just smiled "To tell you the truth, time flies by so fast for us. I mean I died... let me think... 56 years ago."

"That's... 1956... The revolution??" my eyes got wide open

"Yes... those communist bastards." wry laughter "I just wanted to see the future, you know. What it holds for our little country...or the whole humanity. But I want some rest now.

"Why are you telling me all this then?"

"Because when someone dies, his or her conscience's task is to teach that someone."

"Ah..."

"But I think you will be fine now. So...take revenge, fix a life or just have fun, it's up to you!" he turned around and started to walk away

"Wait! How do you do this ...thing?"

"Just stay close to your choice and whisper."

And he disappeared around the corner.

He was right about the time. I spent the next two days wandering around Budapest and thinking. But it felt like an hour for me. I had to figure out what to do. I immediately decided not to search for my family as it would be too heartbreaking, and I don't need that. My boyfriend? (Yep, I was gay.) Nah! Still too heartbreaking. So maybe I should start something new. Take revenge, fix a life or just have fun? I ran into people all the time who were strangely glowing. But noone seemed to give a damn. I decided it must be the way it is indicated for me who is free and who is not. But those who were free weren't souless murderers because they didn't have a conscience or anything like that. I guess there was just a plateau in their life.

Without any intention I walked into a bar. It was nice, but a kinda snob place where my past self wouldn't drink. It was full of these typical party-goingers and slutty chicks. I don't even know why I walked in, but when i wanted to turn around and leave for good I saw this guy. The guy sitting at the counter on a barstool. He was flirting with a girl who seemed entertained but not interested. He had blonde hair, dark eyes, was quite lanky but I could tell he was doing some kind of sports. Carefully shaved. And he was wearing a thight-fitting tucked in shirt. And of course the newest iPhone was resting next to his arm. And thank God he was glowing. That minute I knew I wanted him to be my... agh how do you say this? So you know. I quickly stood next to him to make things sure. And now it was official.

Despite the fact how enthusiastic I was at first, things were pretty awkward. I didn't know how to do this. It seemed so complicated for me, so the first few days were spent with creeping around him or putting my hand in his face and silly things like that. At least I was having a good time. And by the way I was right about the sport thing. He played football at his university. Every other day his team had practises in the school's gymnasium. T-shirts were often taken off and I would lie if I told I didn't enjoy it. However, there was no sexual desire I felt...I can't really explain this as I don't know how things work either. But I think I should be grateful, as it will be easier this way. So most of the time I just stood there while they were playing. And... the sight was so familiar, I couldn't tell why though.

Man! He IS scrawny! Wait, I feel something. There's something with this...guys and fitness level...God, if only I could recall all my memories. 

As I was brainstorming with me and myself the practise was over and the team went to take a piss, a shower whatsoever. But my chosen one walked over to a vending machine, bought a halfliter-coke and chugged it down at once. After the amusing performance he let out a loud belch.

"Watch out buddy,don't let it get to you!" some other guy laughed and patted his belly.

Oh my God, that's it! It finally clicked. I want to make him gain weight!